That's What I Like About You
by Carter-Carter
Summary: The characters of Harry Potter are given a challenge; they have to describe the person they like and why they like them in three words. Canon pairings. Not a songfic.
1. Introductions

_It is I, Alyss Carter. Here is my latest FanFic story. Please read, review, and enjoy!___

**Disclaimer: Don't own it.**

Chapter One: Working

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"Hello everyone." said Alyss Carter as she walked into the classroom, her arms laden with papers. "Please take a seat and sit down. I am Alyss Carter and I am going to be your teacher for the day."

The characters of Harry Potter all looked at each other, shrugged, and sat down in their seats.

"I belong to an internet community called FanFiction. I presume you have heard of it." She looked at the horrified looks on their faces and concluded her answer. "I'll take that as a yes. Don't worry; I'm not a crazed fan girl." The Harry Potter characters relaxed slightly and looked a bit more comfortable. "I am completely out of ideas, so I applied for a job here and here I am! Aren't you happy?" Alyss spread her arms wide and smiled a smile so bright that it could be mistaken for the sun.

The room was so silent that you could hear the crickets chirping. Even though there were no crickets. Alyss slowly lowered her arms and her grin faded.

"Um…okay. I guess I'll just…sit down and…leave you to your work." She sat down at the big desk that was placed in the front-center of the room and began to sort through the drawers.

A few minutes later, Alyss looked up to find that Hermione, in fact, had her hand raised.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Miss Carter," Hermione began.

"Please, call me Alyss."

"Alyss, what are we supposed to be working on?"

Alyss gave herself both a mental smack and a real one. "I totally forgot! Thank you for reminding me, Hermione." Alyss stood up and grabbed the stack of papers that lay on her desk. "Today you will be doing a writing assignment. You will write about the love of your life or crush or whatever you want to call it." she said as she began to pass out the papers.

Everyone stared at the papers that lay on their desks. "The first blank in the top left corner is where you will place your name and the top right blank is where you shall write the name of the person you are writing about. The three numbered blanks along the left side are where you will write the three things you like most about that person. You can only use one word for each blank and then you will describe how that word describes them." Alyss cast a sharp glance over the students. "You are not allowed to use words like 'sexy' and 'hot'."

Draco leaned over to whisper to Goyle. "She's like my super-strict aunt when she's drunk a bit to much. Tough and a bit tipsy." A piece of crumpled up paper hit the side a Draco's face like a missile.

"Ow!" he complained. Then curiosity overtook him and, making sure the teacher wasn't looking, he unrolled the crumpled paper.

I would prefer you not to talk about me that way, Mr. Malfoy. As you know quite well, I am not an aunt, and, under no circumstances, able to drink, legally, at least. Plus, I would take care to not insult me, I have the power to give you a bad review and/or write a terrible story about you.

Signed,

Alyss Carter

P.S. No whispering in class, I do have ears you know. Now get to work.

Draco glanced up at the teacher who was smiling innocently at him. He growled and reluctantly pulled out a pencil.

Everyone scribbled away. Finally everyone finished and had placed their paper on Alyss' desk. Alyss clapped her hands in happiness and picked up the paper on the top of the pile.

"Alright, class. Now it's time to read these out loud."

"What!?" Someone cried out. "You never mentioned that!"

"I know. I thought you wouldn't do it if I mentioned that detail. I also forget to mention that I will be posting your papers on FanFiction! Aren't you glad?"

Without waiting for an answer, Alyss Carter looked down at the paper she was holding and began to read.

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Please review! I want to know what you think. Flames are welcome. By the way, the Alyss in the story is me. Every chapter will be someone's paper and a bit of commentary. I hope you enjoyed!

Love,

ALYSS 


	2. Snape

I am back! This chapter is a little confusing so I'm going to explain. Everything italicized (not including this) will be what was written, everything not italicized is what is spoken. Most of the chapters will be the essay at the top and the dialogue below, but me, being me, had to do the complicated one first. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: Still don't own it. I'm working on it, though!**

Chapter Two: Snape

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_Name: Severus Snape __Written about: Lily Evans _

_

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_

"Okay. So Snape's up first!" Alyss said. She scanned the room. "Where is he?"

Ron pointed a lazy finger at the desk in the darkest corner of the room. "He's over there."

Snape sat at his desk, paler than usual and…covered in blood? Then it all clicked. Ohhhh, yeah…he got killed in the last book. Alyss winced. "So…how's life up there, Snape?"

He gave her a glare and said in a monotonous voice, "You mean, **down** there."

"Oh. Sorry. My bad." Alyss turned back to her desk for a second and muttered, "Note to self: don't eat or drink anything until I leave. I don't want to get poisoned." Then she turned back to the class with her normal bright smile. "Let's continue. Shall we? Good."

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_Un-judging – Lily Evans never judged anyone. She didn't care that I was in Slytherin, or that everyone else disliked me, she saw what was inside. While everyone else teased me because of my looks and the house I was placed in, Lily was taking the time to talk to me and get to know me, the real me._

_Kind – You could always count on a kind word from Lily, or a hug, if you needed one, or a helping hand. _

_Brave – A quality that I always admired; if I had bravery, then I would have been able to stand up to my tormentors, not ran away. This is also probably why she was placed in Griffindor. _

_I hope she is happy wherever she is, even if she is with that insufferable prat, James Potter. I have loved her since the day I met her. She will always reside close to my heart._

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"Awww." Said Alyss as she neared the end of the essay, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "That's so sweet!"

"So you truly did love my mum!" Harry exclaimed, throwing his arms around Snape. Snape stiffened.

"Human…contact…urggg." Snape's eyes rolled back in his head and he passed out from touching Harry for too long.

"Well then!" Alyss said. "How 'bout we move onto the next essay?"

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_Is there anyone else I should do besides the obvious characters? I already have GinnyxHarry, HermionexRon, DracoxTrouble, and FredxAngeline. Who else? I'm hoping to make the next chapter funnier. Please review! Oh, also, there's a song that totally reminds me of Snape and Lily. It's called Always Something There To Remind Me by Naked Eyes. Check it out!_

_Love,_

_ALYSS ___Harry


	3. Ron

Here it is! The third chapter! Thank Alian (my sister) for some of the ideas in this chapter.

**Disclaimer: I had hoped that J.K. Rowling would hand over all rights and contracts of Harry Potter over to me, but she said no. Darn.**

**Chapter Three: Ron**

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Name: Ron Weasley Written About: Quidditch

_Fun – Quiddich is fun to play. Everyone has different jobs and you have to concentrate on the job you're assigned. Each job is very fun and unique. Soaring through the air on a broomstick trying to score points is fun for me. I love Quidditch!_

_Strategy – In Quidditch you use strategy. You have to think hard. Quidditch makes you smarter and faster and stronger and agile. In Qudditch you try to score points through one of three hoops set up in the arena. One person on each team guards the hoops. They are called the Keepers. I am a keeper. It is very fun! Chasers try and catch the ball to shoot it through the hoop. The Beaters hit the Bludgers into people on the other team or hit the Bludgers away from people on their team. The Seekers look for the Golden Snitch. If they catch the Golden Snitch than their team gets a hundred points and wins the game. My friend Harry is a Seeker. He is very good at it. I love Quidditch because it is fun and it uses strategy!_

_I can't think of another word._

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"Um, Ron?" Alyss said. "You were supposed to write about _someone_, not _something_. And you should've given some thought for a third word. Okay, Ron? Ron?"

Ron was currently preoccupied with a crude paper airplane he had made. In a way this was good. Good because Ron couldn't notice the daggers Hermione was shooting at him. Though this might be a bad thing too. I guess it all depends on your perspective.

"RON!" Alyss shouted.

"Huh? What? Yeah?" said Ron. Alyss gave him a glare.

"Number one, try to pay more attention in class. Number two, your essay. Quidditch is not a person. You were supposed to write about a person. Plus, have you ever even read the Harry Potter series?"

"No." he said. "Was I supposed to?"

Alyss heaved a sigh and turned towards a cabinet in the corner of the classroom. She opened one of the doors and began shuffling through the many things lying in there. Actually, _shuffling_ is too mild of a word. _Chucking out stuff randomly_ is a better word. Okay, four words. You don't have to be picky.

"Aha!" cried Alyss, holding up a thick book. "Here it is!" She walked over to Ron and plopped the book on his desk. "Here is book one: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone! Tomorrow you can read the second book."

"B-b-b-but I can't read that fast!"

"Yes you can." Alyss said with a smile. "You just have to try. Hard." She returned to her desk. "Also, you didn't have to explain all the rules of Quidditch; I already know them." She sat down and then stood back up again. "Oh, and one more thing. You just might wan to run. Like, now."

"Why?" Ron asked. Alyss pointed a solitary finger. Behind Ron and approaching him fast was Hermione, her hands outstretched and a look of pure murder on her face, as she wanted to strangle Ron. Maybe she did.

Ron's eyes widened in sheer terror and ran out of the room with Hermione on his heels. From the hallway came screams of rage, screams of pain, and plain old screams. Alyss winced and slowly turned back to face the class.

"Sorry I couldn't hold Hermione down longer." Harry apologized.

"It's okay." Alyss replied. "How 'bout another essay?" she asked. The entire class groaned in unison.

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_I know that the characters are a little out-of-character. They're supposed to be. I'm stretching their personalities. Snape is more dreary and evilish than usual, Ron is dimmer, Hermione is…more vicious, and I am less crazy and insane than normal, though I may be more bubbly that usual. Hmm…_

_Love,_

ALYSS 


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